Saturday, December 31, 2011

I'm going to be different! Just like everybody else.

Probably about 15878 people will start new blogs in New York City alone tomorrow, January 1, 2012. I am beating the rush. I have been talking about doing this forever to everybody that didn't ask, and here it is. Let's jump right in, shall we?

2010 was a tough year. (Um, Heidi, it's the end of 2011...shut up, I'm getting there) As I was saying, 2010 was a really tough year. I went through some seriously emotional shit. As a result, the lessons learned from those experiences didn't really make themselves known for quite some time. Some of the lessons are still being learned, for some, school hasn't even started yet. But this year, I made some important realizations about these experiences and about a billion other things. Here's a list of less than a billion that I'm writing down for my memory and for your entertainment. It includes things that I have known for a long time and just realized to be true, things that I learned in weird, unexpected ways, things that I am still learning, some things that I am just only gleaning little bits of so far, and stuff that I haven't learned to be true but I just know it must. (Note, I'm writing this in both second and first person. I'm not talking to "you," I'm talking to me. But if someone reading this finds some of these lessons to be true, or to be totally bogus, let me hear from you. I don't know how comments works, but I'm sure you can figure it out. You're smart people.)

(oh, also, these are in no particular order.)

1. Brown liquor is actually really awesome. I thought all whiskey tasted like Jack Daniel's. It turns out some of it tastes like angel tears.

2. There is very little that can't be made better by listening to "Home" by Edward Sharpe and the Magnetic Zeros, just about anything by Langhorne Slim or "White Knuckles" by OK Go.

3. A good goal is doing everything in my power to preserve the dignity of other humans and my own. I'm still working this one over in my head, but I'm yet to find a hole in the logic of this: if you treat yourself and others with respect, your life is probably going to be pretty good.

4. Being friendly with your co-workers makes work suck a lot less. But you still have to use your inside voice when talking to them.

5. Tell your friends what they mean to you, and thank them when you can. Don't worry about not getting them presents. Just be present when you're with them, because that's all that people really want.

6. You present yourself better to the world when you brush your hair and put on some makeup, even if it's just to go to work or the grocery store. It doesn't make you shallow.

7. It's ok to not put on makeup or brush your hair when you go to the grocery store. But at least don't wear pajama pants.

8. The best album of the year was Mondo Amore by Nicole Atkins, the best new TV show was "Game of Thrones," the best movie (that I saw) was "The Fighter" and the best live show that I went to was Bon Iver.

9. Eli isn't coming back. It's ok.

10. Traveling to general admission Avett Brother shows is no longer worth the hassle or the money. It's ok.

11. You feel better when you write regularly, work out, eat well and get enough sleep. Strive to hit at least 3 out of 4 of these every day.

12. Pork Chop will die someday. It will be devastating, but you can get another dog when he does.

13. Doing stuff alone is actually pretty awesome sometimes. Don't be afraid to do it.

14. Your dad isn't a monster. He could have done better, but he could have done worse. In all, the past is done, and if the worst he does now is tell you that you're too loud, are sometimes. Be nice to him.

15. Sometimes friendships end, and it's for the best. Sometimes you think a friendship is at the end, but you realize you're not quite done with it yet.

16. You have to get out of the house more. Don't flake on plans, even if it's just plans for yourself. You are so lucky to live where you live, take advantage of it.

17. There will never be another character on TV like Tim Riggins.

18. Guys are generally pretty happy when they get to see you naked. Be healthy, but stop apologizing for your body. You are the most beautiful you there is.

19. You don't have everything you want. It doesn't mean you should stop wanting it. It doesn't mean that you shouldn't be happy with everything you have.

20. Friends are important. I can't believe how long I had forgotten about this.


  1. I love you for so many reasons all ready...although I wish you would have started a WordPress blog so I could follow it easier. But I will be happy that you started one here.
    I'm going to comment in list form because I love lists...and I love when people comment on my blog...and I love what you wrote..and I love talking to people who I dig about what they think.
    1. Angel tears. That made me happy.
    2. I only found the song "Home" a few weeks ago and feel that way about it too...also Langhorne Slim. I'll have to check out the other one.
    3. I think this is one of the most important things one can do.
    4. I agree...and am very loud and find it hard sometimes to use my inside voice. Your comment made me chuckle.
    5. Such a Truth. I went to a funeral the other day and they kept saying they had no regrets because they all told each other how they felt about each other all the time. My best friend died suddenly when I was 12...I'm not sure if I tell people how I feel all the time because of this or because it's who I am. Probably both.
    6. True...but I don't do that. But I agree. I could write a book about why I don't.
    7. I have worn pajama pants to the store...but not as a calculated plot to show the world how much I don't care about what they think when I really do. I have worn pajama pants to the store because I...well the answer would be in the book I could write that I referenced in #7.
    8. I'm not sure about the other ones you listed, but The Fighter blew me away. So good.
    9. Nothing hurts more then this. I know. But I also know you'll be OK. You saying what you did is are other things.
    10. I have tickets to see them in Iowa GA and am super excited...but inside I feel the way you do. I don't want to stand in line, I don't want to be smooshed with a million other people standing the whole show. And I have thought that and felt it's OK too. But I still have a feeling of desperation...not wanting to miss out on seeing I'm going to go. I don't want to live from an idea of lack. I am in process.
    11. Me too. Thanks for the reminder.
    12.My dog Gracie just turned 13. I started crying at random times when I was petting her when she was 7 maybe? Thinking about the fact that she is going to die one day. I would bury my face in her fur and inhale and try to figure out a way to hold on to her forever. She is still with me and I might have realized I can't do that no matter how much I inhale her smell. She will die, I will be devastated, I will grieve, and then I will get another dog who will not replace her but create a whole different experience and dog relationship in my life. (I think I will go smell her when I get done writing this in case it works.)
    13. I agree. I love doing stuff alone sometimes. And other times with people.
    14. As my best friend often says "We didn't win the parent lottery." And this is for sure true. I feel a huge hole in me that was never filled by them...but it is what it is. I can choose to have a relationship with who they are now...who they really are, not who I want them to be...and if I can't do that, I shouldn't be around them. That's the conclusion I have come to. It's easier said then done at times...but getting easier.
    15. This has been hard for me. I haven't wanted to ever let anyone go...but I am getting much better at it.
    16. I do have to get out of the house more...I feel better when I do...but I hate where I live.
    17. I don't know who that is.
    18. Agreed.
    19. Agreed.
    20. Agreed.

    I am so glad you started a blog.

  2. 21. I hate when I make a grammatical error or typo. Like when I typed "all ready" instead of "already".

  3. Is it sad that my instant reaction to all 20 of these items was to click "Like"? Not because each and every item doesn't merit liking, but just because it indicates that I use Facebook WAY too much.

  4. Nice use of a Raising Arizona-ism!

    If you like to play with writing daily, check out one of my favorites:

    Thanks for giving us a glimpse into your universe. Looking forward to being a regular reader, so don't leave your adoring fans in want...ya hear?